When I first started bodybuilding, I thought progress was all about pushing harder. Add more weight. Grind out more reps. Spend more hours in the gym. If I wasn’t wrecked by the end of a session, I figured I hadn’t done enough.
But that’s not how it works: my body didn’t grow the way I expected. In fact, sometimes I ended up weaker, more fatigued, even injured. What I eventually realised was this — progress isn’t just about effort, it’s about alignment. Proper form, balanced training, and recovery created more growth than all the heavy lifting in the world.
And life works the same way. We’ve been told that success comes from relentless effort. Push harder, grind longer, outwork everyone else. But deep down, you probably already know that effort alone isn’t the answer — because if it was, you’d already have the life you want.
Why Pushing Harder Isn’t Working
Here’s the paradox: you’re working hard, but the gains aren’t showing up where you need them most. You read the books, set the goals, push yourself into new routines — but the results don’t stick.
You want transformation, but you feel like you’re running in circles. Motivation flickers, then disappears when it’s time to act. You tell yourself, “I know what I should be doing…” yet when the moment comes, you freeze. And when that happens enough times, the shame spiral kicks in: Maybe I’m just not disciplined enough. Maybe something’s wrong with me.
But nothing’s wrong with you. Just like poor form in the gym sabotages your best effort, misalignment in life steals your energy and progress. You can push harder for years — and still end up frustrated, burned out, and wondering why nothing changes.
The real issue isn’t a lack of willpower. It’s chasing goals that don’t align with your deepest values. And until you fix that alignment, no amount of pushing will get you where you want to go.
Effort Without Alignment
I once coached someone who reminded me of my early bodybuilding days. On the outside, their life looked strong — steady job, family commitments handled, even a clear list of goals. But underneath, they felt drained and directionless. “I’m working myself into the ground,” they said, “but I don’t feel any closer to the life I actually want.”
That’s the trap so many of us fall into. We think if we just add more weight to the bar — more hours, more effort, more hustle — eventually we’ll feel fulfilled. But effort without alignment is like lifting with terrible form: it doesn’t matter how heavy the load is, you won’t see growth where you want it. In fact, you’re more likely to end up injured, frustrated, and stuck.
Psychologically, this happens because most people build their “life program” around external shoulds: the career path they think will impress others, the income level that promises security, the lifestyle that looks good on social media. But when those goals aren’t rooted in your personal values, they don’t energise you. Even when you reach them, they feel strangely hollow — like smashing a personal record in the gym, only to realise it didn’t build the muscle group you actually wanted to grow.
And here’s where the cycle begins. Misaligned goals drain your energy, which makes action harder. You procrastinate, you doubt yourself, you push harder to compensate, and still feel like you’re falling short. Just like bad training habits, the harder you push in the wrong way, the more stuck you become.
The problem isn’t your discipline. The problem is alignment. Until your vision lines up with your deepest values, you’ll keep grinding without growing — in the gym, and in life.
The Counterintuitive Truth
In the gym, I learned a hard lesson: growth doesn’t come from piling on more weight — it comes from getting the fundamentals right. After fixing my form, balancing my training, and allowing recovery, my progress skyrocketed. The same effort, applied differently, produced entirely new results.
Life works exactly the same way. The breakthrough isn’t about pushing harder; it’s about aligning deeper. When your vision connects with your core values, a values-driven vision, something shifts. Motivation stops being a battle of willpower and starts becoming natural energy. You don’t have to drag yourself forward anymore — it feels like the bar moves with you.
Neuroscience backs this up. When your goals reflect your personal values, your brain releases more dopamine, the neurotransmitter that fuels motivation and focus. Instead of short bursts of hype followed by burnout, you get a steady stream of energy that sustains you for the long run. It’s the difference between a caffeine rush and natural endurance.
I’ve seen this play out with clients again and again. The moment they realign their vision with what truly matters to them — whether that’s freedom, contribution, creativity, or connection — their entire posture changes. They stop chasing outcomes that looked impressive but drained them, and start building a life that actually gives back energy.
The contradiction is apparent: the less you chase, the more you achieve. The less you grind against misaligned goals, the more space you create for meaningful action. Just like in training, where better alignment unlocks strength you didn’t even know you had, living in alignment with your values reveals a power you can’t access by sheer force.
This is the counterintuitive truth most people never realise: lasting success and fulfilment don’t come from doing more. They come from doing what actually matters.
How to Align, Not Just Grind
In bodybuilding, progress comes down to a structured plan: you train with good form, you follow a balanced program, you recover properly. Miss any of these, and you plateau — or worse, you injure yourself. Life alignment works the same way. You don’t need to push harder; you need a clear framework that channels your energy in the right direction.
Here are three steps to start:
1. Clarify Your Core Values (Form Check for Life)
Just as correct form prevents wasted effort in the gym, knowing your values prevents wasted effort in life. Tools like the ACT Values Compass or even journaling prompts such as “When have I felt most alive and energised?” can help you uncover what truly matters. Think of this as the alignment drill that ensures every rep of effort builds the right muscle.
2. Audit Your Current Goals (Strip Back the Weight)
In training, loading up the bar with too much weight only makes you compensate with bad form. In life, chasing too many “shoulds” does the same. Look at your current goals: which ones align with your values, and which ones are just heavy plates that make you strain without results? Take some off the bar.
3. Build a Values-Driven Vision (Progressive Overload Done Right)
Once your form is correct and the unnecessary weight is removed, you can rebuild with intentional load. Create a vision that reflects your core values — not what looks impressive to others. This is progressive overload for your life: gradually adding challenge in a way that grows your strength and fulfilment, not your stress.
The beauty of this plan is its simplicity. You don’t need another 10-step system, another productivity hack, or another punishing routine. You just need to line up your vision with your values. Once you do, effort transforms into momentum, and growth becomes a natural outcome.
A Values-Driven Vision: The Choice Between Grinding and Growing
In the gym, I wasted years thinking progress was about lifting heavier and pushing harder. The turning point came when I realised form, alignment, and recovery mattered more than brute force. That’s when growth actually happened.
Life works the same way. If you keep grinding without alignment, you’ll keep ending up sore, tired, and disappointed. You’ll feel like you’re lifting the world but never seeing the results that matter.
But when you align your vision with your deepest values, everything changes. Effort starts to compound. Motivation flows. Progress shows up in ways that energise you instead of depleting you.
Here’s the truth: you already have the strength. What you need now is alignment. Stop pushing harder in the wrong direction — and start building a life that grows stronger because it’s grounded in what truly matters to you.
Don’t let another week slip by chasing someone else’s goals. Take one small step today: pause, reflect, and ask yourself, “Where am I lifting with bad form in my life — and what values do I need to realign with?” That’s the rep that counts.
Here are three prompts you can use right now:
- Write down your top three current goals. Beside each one, ask: Does this goal connect directly to one of my core values?
- Identify one “should” you’re carrying that drains you. Commit to letting it go this week.
- Choose one aligned action, however small, that you can repeat daily. Think of it as adding the right kind of weight — steady, intentional, and building strength over time.
References
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- Pessiglione, M., Seymour, B., Flandin, G., Dolan, R.J. & Frith, C.D., 2006. Dopamine-dependent prediction errors underpin reward-seeking behaviour in humans. Nature, 442(7106), pp.1042–1045.
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